Pyrat Rum

Pyrat Rum is this $26 rum made by the Patron company, who brought us all the magic of not throwing up right away.  It comes in a hella fancy bottle that looks like maybe a pirate who wore glasses and was in charge of the maps and handing the captain things would have designed it.  Knotted about its neck is a little saffron scarf and a medallion bearing the smiling image of the bodhisattva Hotai, because Buddhists drink HELLA rum at their get-togethers.  Unfortunately it doesn’t really taste like anything – it’s smooth yet forgettable, kind of like drinking a J. Crew cotton sweater.  I would go with the rad Captain Morgan’s Private Stock, which has all kinds of sugar and is just generally a lot more fun and relaxed.