Friday, September 09, 2005


First of all, if anyone tells you that Beyond Borders is not an incredibly good movie, they are lying through their unspeakably mendacious teeth. Basically in it Clive Owen plays a doctor who cures famine in Africa and then southeast Asia, and then decides to go to Chechnya because everything is basically OK everywhere else. Angelina Jolie thriftily re-uses her outfits from Tomb raider and plays, with complete plausibility, an underpaid midlevel UN functionary who nonetheless wields almost limitless power. Plus, the first section features an indescribably creepy CGI starving African infant, like the Ally McBeal baby's evil Nine Inch Nails-designed twin. The CGI baby pales in comparison to the satanic homonculus who (SPOILER ALERT!!) issues from the unholy union of Jolie and Owen and plays the piano at Angelina Jolie's birthday. I give it nine thumbs up. If anyone tells you that it is offensive because it portrays the starving and suffering people of the world as faceless automatons awaiting rescue at the hands of heroic white people, you need to let them know that even privilged Westerners can suffer from a serious deficiency - OF HOLLYWOOD MAGIC! Also, Angelina Jolie gets blowed up by a landmine.

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