Bike Report 2k10

A wee jaunt south of IC this morning. I spotted only one recumbent, and many fine mountain bikes and hybrids. There was one completely rube-looking guy in a t-shirt and shorts on an undistinguished mountain bike who was absolutely HAULING around the little paved bike trail near Napoleon park. Specialized-Mercy Team, recruit him! He goes by the name EL GUAPO.

I also managed to flail around trying to clip in so dramatically that I tilted my saddle down so the nose was pointing at the front wheel. I did this about five minutes after getting on the bike and didn't notice until I got back home. In fact, I was thinking "wow, these new bib shorts have a GREAT chamois! The saddle feels so comfortable!" Now who's the rube, SAMSKY?

Also: only two short years ago I was lavishing praise on Brooks saddles and sneering at the fact that there are people out there who buy carbon fiber water bottle holders. Well, I got a (cheap) Cutter carbon fiber bottle cage and I have to say I really like it, though this is probably just because it has a better design than the plastic Specialized cage I was using. TWO GRAMS LIGHTER BROSEPH.

Spice 2!

Here's a report on my recent trip to Duke at Splice - you may find it toothsome, or possibly overwrought and mawkish, or maybe all three!

Spice Today!

Russ Smith at Splice did a rad Q&A about my book! Check it out.

Also, just saw The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Man was that unpleasant. Apparently the original Swedish title was Men Who Hate Women, which seems about right. Gross out to the max. I thought that the Swedes only dealt with death through chess games and comic tree-sawing but I guess they SHOWED ME!

Aw, man

Today on my ride south of Iowa city I saw a beautiful gray cat who had been struck and killed by a car. I see many dead animals on each ride: deer, turtles, countless birds, raccoons (one today, in fact), frogs. In Princeton I saw squirrels.

I used to see this little cat all the time on my rides - he would stride around the fields near the sod farm, ranging all the way to the intersection with 520th st. I looked forward to seeing him. He always looked so pleased and proud of himself, like he was surveying his lands. His tail was up, and he marched along with dainty precision. It was very sad to see him there on the shoulder. I stopped at the house where I thought his owners lived but no one was home.

Rike Ratch

The usual south of IC route:

- A commuter, walking his bike. He assumed the air of ostentatious disinterest that New Yorkers use to avoid panhandlers when I asked if he had a flat. He grudgingly admitted that he did but refused my help, which is probably best for both of us since I am not exactly a whiz with the ol' tubes.

- A pack of heavily laden touring cyclists, probably training for RAGBRAI. They were carrying so much equipment that they had to do away with luxuries like helmets and drop bars.

No recumbents or tandems!

The Capricious Critic - out now!

Ladies and gentlemen, The Capricious Critic has been published by Otis Books/Seismicity Editions and is now available through SPD in California! The book collects a few of my Smyles and Fish columns and a huge amount of new material, including snarky references to Princeton landmarks, a trip to the moon, and a few dozen synonyms for halberd. You will love it beyond reason!

Bikewatch Continues

Today I saw:

Three or four brass keys amidst gravel and pennies at the base of Grand Avenue and Riverside; it had kind of a supernatural feel.

1 lonely recumbent bicycle.

Bikewatch 2K10

On the only 17-miler south of IC I saw:

3 recumbents, one in the elusive three-wheel non-tadpole form.

The local Specialized team also blew by my in the humorless, intense fashion to which I aspire.

BikeWatch 2K9

Oh hello there blog! I didn't see you come in!

18 Mile morning ride in Iowa City
Exotic Bike Count:

5 (!) tandems, three of them the elusive flat-bar variety
2 recumbents

This does not count the several dozen bicycles I saw whose handlebars soared majestically in the air, hovering around their riders' chins. These bicycles are not, at least in these climes, exotic.

The Perfect Family

Two pieces of news that will surprise no one:

- Levi Johnston has quit the oil field.

-AND-

- Johnston and Bristol Palin have separated.

An Excerpt from my "The L-Word" Tie-in Novella (NOT FAN FICTION!)

Evil lesbian nightclub owner Dawn Denbo stormed out of She Bar. "Curse Kit Porter and Helena Peabody!" she muttered, "I will make them pay for buying my nightclub and kind of humiliating me in front of a bunch of people!" But Dawn Denbo had not been paying attention as she walked into an alley. The alley was as dark as the soul of evil lesbian arriviste Adele Channing. Dawn Denbo walked past a dumpster, shivering with cold - or was it evil?
"BLAH!" yelled the vampire Lestat as he jumped out from behind some boxes or a parked car. "Drink from me and live forever!"
Dawn Denbo considered his offer.
"Also you can team up with me and Sonic the Hedgehog to get back at those conniving wenches from The Planet!" Lestat offered. "Sold!" replied Dawn Denbo.

AND THUS BEGAN THE SAGA OF VAMPIRE DAWN DENBO!

Look for the novella in stores as soon as I get an agent and an offer for publication and iron out some minor intellectual property issues!

Dr. House, M.D.

So last night I had a dream that I was on House, and I was a resident and was bossing around some of the new interns. The main plot was a leftist girl with some mysterious disease who kept leaving the hospital to attend protests and play folk guitar. At one point when we were following her famous actor Daniel Craig walked by on an embankment and he waved at me and I got very excited and told my fellow doctors that being a celebrity must be like being the only person in a world of dogs, because everywhere you go everyone is super-excited to see you.

Girl Problems

As you might notice, I am totally in this video! Check out Girl Problems' Myspace for mo' info, RIGHT NOW.

FOR REAL GUYS?

HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN?

The Perfect White Ninja

You can find it here.