BikeWatch 2K9

Oh hello there blog! I didn't see you come in!

18 Mile morning ride in Iowa City
Exotic Bike Count:

5 (!) tandems, three of them the elusive flat-bar variety
2 recumbents

This does not count the several dozen bicycles I saw whose handlebars soared majestically in the air, hovering around their riders' chins. These bicycles are not, at least in these climes, exotic.

The Perfect Family

Two pieces of news that will surprise no one:

- Levi Johnston has quit the oil field.

-AND-

- Johnston and Bristol Palin have separated.

An Excerpt from my "The L-Word" Tie-in Novella (NOT FAN FICTION!)

Evil lesbian nightclub owner Dawn Denbo stormed out of She Bar. "Curse Kit Porter and Helena Peabody!" she muttered, "I will make them pay for buying my nightclub and kind of humiliating me in front of a bunch of people!" But Dawn Denbo had not been paying attention as she walked into an alley. The alley was as dark as the soul of evil lesbian arriviste Adele Channing. Dawn Denbo walked past a dumpster, shivering with cold - or was it evil?
"BLAH!" yelled the vampire Lestat as he jumped out from behind some boxes or a parked car. "Drink from me and live forever!"
Dawn Denbo considered his offer.
"Also you can team up with me and Sonic the Hedgehog to get back at those conniving wenches from The Planet!" Lestat offered. "Sold!" replied Dawn Denbo.

AND THUS BEGAN THE SAGA OF VAMPIRE DAWN DENBO!

Look for the novella in stores as soon as I get an agent and an offer for publication and iron out some minor intellectual property issues!

Dr. House, M.D.

So last night I had a dream that I was on House, and I was a resident and was bossing around some of the new interns. The main plot was a leftist girl with some mysterious disease who kept leaving the hospital to attend protests and play folk guitar. At one point when we were following her famous actor Daniel Craig walked by on an embankment and he waved at me and I got very excited and told my fellow doctors that being a celebrity must be like being the only person in a world of dogs, because everywhere you go everyone is super-excited to see you.

Girl Problems

As you might notice, I am totally in this video! Check out Girl Problems' Myspace for mo' info, RIGHT NOW.

FOR REAL GUYS?

HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN?

The Perfect White Ninja

You can find it here.

Iron Legs versus Bag of Trash

My mother, who has many conservative email interlocutors, sent me this impassioned speech from some manner of internet preacher. It's quite an amazing performance, much in the spirit of "Leave Brittney Alone!"

Notes from the Reception of my Literary Career

Readers, hark to this review of the most recent issue of Beeswax; it makes special mention of my contribution, the short story "Some Events of the Spring of 1999, Bordeaux, France." By "special mention" I mean that the author of the review didn't know if the story was fiction or reportage (it's fiction, salted with real landmarks of Bordeaux). I don't know if this means I did my job especially well or especially poorly, but having my work described as "mystifying" certainly gives me a little frisson.

Controversial new McCain Campaign Ad May Alienate Conservative Base

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO THIS "BRACK OBAMA" GUY IS?

APPARENTLY HE IS A BIG DEAL IN POLITICS????????

In Stereo!

Readers, you may enjoy my new article at Splice, a catalog of depressing songs accompanied by depressing videos!

Notes from my Internet Career

Readers, please turn to Splice Today, a (dare I say) avant-garde website specializing in cultural criticism and having a totally rad design. I have an article there on the Brooks leather saddle, and you should expect to see more from me soon.

A note on the Venture Brothers

I must admit that the first time I saw the Venture Brothers I thought it was kind of dumb, but I have since grown to love and cherish it as only a grown man can love and cherish a cartoon. Anyway, it's really good and the first part of this season's finale was wall-to-wall excellent.

YOU BE THE JUDGE!

VERSUS